Some of you may have seen me on Channel 4’s new ‘shocking’ programme #sexbox…. And thought, bloody hell, what did she do that for?!
It wasn’t until last year when I toured six forms across Wales discussing current issues affecting young people, that I realised how dire the state of sexual education was in Britain. It wasn’t until then that I also realised how passionate I am about talking about sex.
The current curriculum states this :
“Some parts of sex and relationship education are compulsory – these are part of the national curriculum for science”
Now then, How many of your first times were ‘scientific’? How many of you approach sex with a thermometer, gas mask and a Bunsen burner….. I imagine a VERY imaginative minority…. And most of them not impressionable 15 year olds…
The only compulsory element of Sex Education in Britain at the moment is this
“All schools must have a written policy on sex education, which they must make available to parents for free.”
So, in other words, schools can teach them anything they choose. This, in my opinion, is D for DANGER. Why the bloody hell are we more than happy to teach our children how to eat healthily, how to communicate successfully but not willing to teach them how to have a healthy sex life? Are we not all agreed that Sex is as much part of our lives as how many wives Henry the 8th had? If not that teeeeny tinnnny bit more?!
The biggest thing that struck me was how sex is currently being pictured as something ‘ych a fi’ a term so fondly used in Wales to describe something a bit yucky… something slightly untoward to talk about….like fanny farts over Sunday dinner, like an used condom on a see-saw… you get my drift…
The majority of young people in Britain today are taught that sex is solely about STI’s and Pregnancy, and if you just don’t do ‘it’ then you’re perfectly safe from both those disasters.
Do any of them teach girls about the clitoris? Do any schools teach children how misleading porn can be? How not every girl likes to be spanked? How not every boy has to be dominating and aggressive?
Do they hell! But to be fair some of the lucky ones do get taught how to put a condom on a banana though, which I’m sure you’ll all agree is VERY handy as most penises I’ve seen have been visually & similar textured to the berry of a herbaceous plant….
Some unlucky ones were taught that a carrot is very similar to a man’s sexual organ… every winter it baffles me that we don’t have a nation of young people that go around making love to snowmen’s noses.
I went on #sexbox to discuss my sex life, something I have always been very open about and have absolutely no regrets about, and yet when the first episode aired I was anxious what people’s reactions would be to me revealing my “magic number”. The public’s reaction was exactly as I had imagined.
I have been single for 11 years and in that time I have had sex with who ever I have wanted to have sex with. Is that wrong of me? Is it undignified that I admit that? Is it filthy that I as a woman find sex pleasurable?
I want to live in a society where it doesn’t matter what your magic number is, where you can choose to have sex with one person for the rest of your life or you can choose to have sex with hundreds. You can do exactly what you and your vagina want to do. You are a team, and you are going to make each other happy. And more than this, whichever path you choose, you are allowed to talk about it, absobloodylutely any time you want to.
So to answer my opening question, this is why I went on #sexbox. I fully consider myself a generally good human. I’m generous, I’m honest, I’m open, I’m caring and I’m a humanitarian through and through, and yet after broadcasting how many people I have had sex with on television I waver between being empowered and liberated to feeling complete shame and regret.
The issue I’m personally battling with myself is this, Is it me that’s making myself feel shameful? Am I self hating or is it the society I live in that feel they should be ashamed of me because they don’t understand my need to reveal such personal inappropriate issues?
Am I ashamed that I have slept with this amount of people or am I just ashamed that I have admitted it to the nation? The truth is I do not regret any of my decisions, I have not broken any laws, I have not hurt anyone, so why am I ashamed?
Another thing I struggle to understand about myself is this, why when I discuss sex do I feel the need to make it comedic and ‘shocking’? Is this because I feel I have to, to say the things I want to say? Or is it because it makes it easier for the people around me to cope or react with what I’m saying?
When my friends were getting to the age where they began to settle down, find life partners, get engaged, I found myself increasingly panicking. As I don’t believe in marriage as such, rather than approach the situation maturely I would joke, and say things such as ‘well my target can be to sleep with a hundred people’, instantly making sex a game, which is in no way or form what I believe, but it got the laughs in and I feel it made my friends feel less uncomfortable about the whole ‘single elephant in the room’ issue.
It increasingly seems that people who are publicly open about their sexual life, appear to be, or are portrayed as crass, obscene and vulgar, and as one of those people myself, I subconsciously play up to that stereotype rather than be brave enough to take a mature honest approach. Regretfully, this is exactly how I portrayed myself on #sexbox.
If I did a survey on the streets today “would you rather find out your daughter was a cocaine user or had slept with a 100 men” I wonder which would be the biggest issue? One is legal, releases endorphins and natural, the other is illegal, affects your mental state and results in a come down. It would be very interesting and very revealing…
Sex is a human instinct, not some modern fad, not something risqué we should wait until it becomes fashionable until we can talk about it. Some think money makes the world go around…. I think it’s sex.
Let’s talk about sex. Let’s have happy sex. Let’s be the generation of delicious sex!
This little rant is just the start of things to come…. I want to discuss every point I made above in further detail and explore exactly why we’re so bloody backward when it comes to discussing sex. Watch this tiny internet space!